


The Golden Echo

by Cres



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: F/M, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-18
Updated: 2016-01-02
Packaged: 2018-04-15 07:53:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4598805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cres/pseuds/Cres
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You work alot, and have a jazzy/poppy Kimbra-ish band with a couple friends.<br/>AND THEN YOU MET OLD FRIENDS AND STUFF HAPPENS!!!!!!<br/>(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Reunited

“Hey, lady!”

Zach grabbed my arm firmly before I could address the voice from across the east side of the restaurant.

“Jen, you’ve been acting weird lately. You alright?”

“Yeah dude, I’m chill. I’m chill.” He gave me a dubious look and raised one of his furry brown brows.

“You’re kinda droning around though…” I frowned and looked away from him, trying to think of what to say. Before I could answer, Veronica cut between tables over to us and requested that I take her next night shift. I gave her a stern and lifeless, “Sure, whatever.” And continued with the task at hand. The work day was ridiculously busy as the sun went down. We usually only get this mad amount of people when tourism shoots up. Zach kept giving me a worried look whenever I caught his eye, and I shook his concern off. I’ve been so stressed lately, handling one thing at a time was easier. He’d eventually understand, if it stands as relevant that long. Zach my is best friend, he knows. Better than anyone else.  
Many of the customers so far were bubbly today, very few were obnoxious of any sort. I put on my best smile, but as of now, I don’t have to fake. The jokes I’d overheard from earlier were ridiculously silly, and kept a genuine decent expression on my face.  
A loud group of men walked in as I was finishing up with a family table of 6, and I headed over to Zach, giving him the family’s check.

“Hey Jen, take that group of guys that just walked in, kay?”

“Sure thing.” I grinned widely at him trying to shake his suspicions, and he challenged me again.

“Zach, seriously, I’m chill.” I grabbed his hand and squeezed it tightly. He knew that if something was up I’d tell him. But he loves to persist.  
I put a little jump in my step to play it off with maximum believability, and headed towards the guys whom had just been seated. There were 5 of them.

“Hi! How can I help you gentlemen this afternoon?”

“If you did a little twirl in that night dress, that’d start me off.”  
I looked over at the second male to my right, and stared at him with my mouth slightly open, and kinda lost for words. He was nicely built, with his hair in dark brown waves cascading down the sides of his face. He had a single blonde streak in his left part, and it brought out his matching chocolate eyes.

“I apologize for my friend here,” said his friend to his left, “he just thinks you’re pretty and he’s trying to be slick.”  
I laughed it off, and took my notebook from my apron.

“Well then, can I get you guys something to drink?” As I asked, the man with the blonde streak in his hair locked eyes with me, and then winked. I chuckled and noted the drinks that boys had mentioned. And then it hit me.

 I looked over at the man with the blonde streak again.

_No fucking way._

“Arin?” It had to be him. I hadn’t seen him since he moved out of Florida. We were so close.

“Geez Jen, took you long enough.” He got up from the table and gave me a big bear hug, and I returned it immediately.

“Fuck dude, I’d love to catch up, but I’m in uniform.”

_Worst. Timing. Ever._

“No problem, we can trade numbers.” He said as he grabbed my elbow and pulled me in for another hug. “And its Suzy’s birthday, you’d be the greatest present ever.”  
I still felt fuzzy, he looks so different.

“Hey, Jen-“I pulled away from Arin and turned to the voice that came from behind me. It was Zach.

“Your shift’s over, I clocked out for ya.” He then gestured towards Arin, “You know him?”

“Yeah, do you mind if I skip out on our sesh tonight? We’re old friends, and I really want to catch up.” I bit my lip. We had quite some work left to do, and I’ve been so focused with my work.

“Nah, it’s cool. Tell me later ‘kay? Go get outta that ugly apron.” He winked and flicked at my apron.

Arin and the group of guys he was with decided to skip out on drinks, and I left with them. As we walked out of the restaurant, Arin came to me again.

“Hey, gimme them digits gurl.” As he pulled out his phone.

I gave him my number and took my keys out.

“I’d leave with you, but I look like poo. Plus,” I looked over to his group of friends. “I don’t know anyone.”

“You know me, silly. It’s cool. I’ll call you in an hour or two and pick you up.”

“That sounds dope.” Oh man, seeing Arin again makes me feel crazy good.

“One for the road?” He asked, with his arms outstretched. I wrapped my arms around his figure and squeezed. I then let go, remembering he had friends to get back to. I gave him a wholehearted smile and waved goodbye as he walked over to his group. As I walked back to my car, and the entire drive back to my apartment, the smile never slipped from my lips. Letting the engine cutoff, I pulled my handbag from the passenger seat and stepped out of my car. I found myself more excited than I had ever been in what felt like years. I was going see Arin and Suzy again. What were they even up too?

_Ugh I can’t wait to tell them that I’m still trying to make music. They’ll be so proud of me._

I rolled my eyes as I looked at myself in the mirror, trying to picture an outfit to wear. After pulling through a couple drawers, I picked out a black and red flannel to wear over a pair of washed out blue jeans I had worn the other day.

My stomach growled and I headed over to the mini fridge I kept in my room for midnight emergencies, and grabbed the little bit of flan left over from yesterday. Zach and I made more than we could eat, and we had to split the leftovers. After Arin left, I remember feeling like shit. He was my best friend, and one of the only people I spent time with. I stopped going out, and tried keeping in touch with Arin, but after a bit, I just didn’t try anymore. I met Zach in a record store, looking for Sinatra LPs. He made a joke about Nat King Cole being ‘The King’ and we just clicked. It was kinda weird at first, because I had felt like I had grown fond of him too quickly, but everything worked out. Everything always works out with him.  
Before I could reminisce any longer, my phone lit up and began to vibrate. I put the flan down, and reached across the bed to grab my phone.

“Hey, are you ready?”

“Mhm~”

 

Arin pulled up an hour and a half later, wearing an old sailor moon tee I remember buying with him ages ago. I waved at him from my window, and stumbled out onto my porch. The lights on the porch dimmed as I spun the dial that controlled them. After locking the door, I made my way across my lawn to Arin’s car.

“Hey you!” He said, just as I hopped in the passenger seat.

“I’m so ready to get absolutely fucked at Suzy’s birthday p-tay.” I replied with a super hazy look plastered on my face.

Arin giggled and began making his way out of my little neighborhood.

“Dude, how’s everything? What are you even doing now?” He said, as we passed a mall and a couple of food joints.

“Um, I still do the whole music thing. I recently dropped an album actually…”

I told him about the band I managed to find, and the stuff we put together. We’d actually gathered quite a following and a local indie radio gave us lots of love.

“I think a single or two got on the radio-“

“Miracle?”

“Yeah, have you heard it?”

“Dude, that song is the bomb. A friend of mine showed it to me, and it was playing in the office for weeks.”

That hit home. I beamed at him, and then got curious.

“Office? Please tell me you don’t have a 9 to 5 job.”

“Oh, no I’m doing stuff on YouTube.”

He then told me about Game Grumps, which had been running for a while now. He and some friends just sat around and played video games, the concept sounded near to perfect, but then he talked about all the lame stuff.

“It’s worth it though, I’ve been incredibly lucky.” He finished.

“Yeah, same.”

“Wow, gee, way to keep the conversation two sided.”

I stuck my tongue out at him, taking advantage of the blissful traffic. Arin lightly pinched my nose, and then the light turned green.  
Soon enough we were at their place. We’d spent the rest of the drive talking about our favorite games that had been released since we had split. I was mad excited to see Suzy again, she was by far the coolest female friend I have ever had. Surprising her on her birthday felt so rad, almost the same feeling I got when I was excited as a child. I was also amped to meet Arin’s new friends. Maybe I could make friends with them too.

“Hey Mozart, let’s go scare Suz.” Arin unlocked the car doors, and stepped out onto his driveway.

I followed him to the front door, and stayed behind him as he unlocked the door. I could hear Daft Punk blaring, and loads of laughing.

I squeezed Arin’s sides, “Is there a lot of people in there?”

He shook his head, and the door unlocked simultaneously.


	2. Suzy's Awesome Vaginal Escape!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suzy!  
> Birthday!  
> NEW FRIENDS?!?!?!?!?!

          “Hey fuck-ass!”

I peered from a small nook between Arin’s torso and arms. A tall, lanky, very curly haired man was making his way toward us. Arin pat him on the back and then spoke to him. The music was too loud for me to catch it, and it seemed rather nosy anyway. Arin turned to me and grabbed my right arm.

“Suzy hasn’t left the office yet, so it’s cool. You don’t have to sneak around.”

I shifted my composure, and let myself relax. I looked up at the curly haired man again, and now that I could see him better, noticed the intensity of the mane on his head. He rocked a stubble, and looked as if he was in his late 20’s.

“This is my friend Dan, he’s cohosting Grumps with me. He was with me when you and I met up at the restaurant.”

The man extended an arm, “Any friend of Arin is a friend of mine. Especially if she’s a sultry waitress.”

_Lame._

I rolled my eyes, and reached out for his hand. “Hi Dan, I’m Jenna.”

As he let go of my hand, I did a twirl.

He grinned widely and then produced a loud sizzle. I shook my head gently and laughed. Arin then tugged at my arm, gesturing towards the hall. Time to meet everyone else.

Holly is an average height total babe. She reminded me of what I wanted to look like when I was sixteen. Tattoos and all. She even had the personality down. Talking to her made me feel so young. Her husband, Ross, is really cool too. He seemed to be kinda smashed already, so I couldn’t get a good read on him. From what Arin, Holly, and Dan have said, he’s apparently a sadist Aussie.

Meeting Barry was, kinda odd. Odd in the sense that he is very handsome. I stuttered a couple times, kinda baffled with how he affected me. I soon found that he is very friendly, and that eased me. Editors can be sex gods. Or maybe I’m just lonely.

Dan stuck around Arin and me for the majority of the introductions. Apparently I a guy named Kevin was missing, which kinda disappointed me. He’s an editor too. I asked Arin if he had any booze around, knowing well that he didn’t partake. He directed me toward some he had bought for the guests, and I made best friends with a good ole bottle of Jack Daniel’s. Dan had followed me, grabbing a can of beer for himself.

“How’d you meet Arin?” He asked politely, looking attentively into my eyes. Waiting for a response.

“Hmm~ Arin always hanged with very cool friends…” I began.

“Friends way past cool, might I add. A mutual, named Adam, phoned me over one day. Summer after my first year in junior high. It was his monthly game night with a butt load of his friends. I went, and then met Arin. Buddies ever since.”

I looked back up at him, my eyes had wandered as I spoke my tale. His stare seemed vacant. I couldn’t read it.

“Pretty lame, huh?” I shrugged my shoulders, and lowered my eyes to the head of my bottle.

As I raised the bottle to my mouth, he opened his. “No, that’s actually really cool. In a hipster kinda way.”

I let my arm fall. “So, super fucking lame?” I asked, with a ‘You’ve got to be kidding me’ look.

“Definitely not!” He sang, and then bumped my right shoulder with a closed fist.

I laughed along with him, and a couple silly jokes were made from both parties before I caught Arin walking towards us from the corner of my eye.

“Dude, Suzy just pulled up, I want you to be the first person she sees.” Arin whispered, everything was a lot quitter now…

I waved at Dan, and made my way back through the hall to the front door. I stared down at my vans, and rocked back and forth until I heard a click. The door opened, and in stepped a more mature, way hotter Suzy.

“Oh my god. JEN?” She dropped her purse and flung herself around me.

“Suz, it’s so rad to see you~” I replied, muffled into our warm hug.

As everyone else grew from their corners, and embraced the Suz, I made my way to the back of the house, and stepped into the backyard. I was aching to shoot Zach a text, and I feel guilty making him wait so long for an answer.

**Me: Sorry about today, I know we’ve got to get cracking**

**Zachattack: No prob, party 4 the both of us, k?**

**Me: ily**

**Zachattack: lol dweeb**

I grinned and put my phone away, turning to head inside again when I bumped into Arin.

“What’s up?” I grinned.

“Dude, what the fuck are you doing out here?”

“Officer, I was shootin’ a text. Get off my dick.” I sassed.

_Sassing Arin is so much fun._

Arin burst out laughing and we went back inside together. I made my way towards the kitchen, and got rid of my empty bottle. Barry and Holly were there, and I decided I’d stick around for a while.

 

I drank a lot more whiskey than I was used to. I stumbled out of the kitchen and sat on the couch. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw two Dans walking over. He merged into one and sat next to me. Arin sat to my other side.

“Arin, I think I’m gonna go home. I might’ve gone over my bedtime.” I groaned.

Arin nodded, and went off to tell Suzy.

“You’re not planning on going alone, are you?” I glanced over at Dan, and shook my head.

“I might get an Uber or something~”

“Or I can drive you.” It wasn’t a question.

“Haven’t you had a few too though?” I’d seen him with a beer. Besides, I don’t normally go home with guys I don’t know. He’s Arin’s friend, but it still feels weird.

“I’ve had one can of beer. I’m good. I seriously do not want you to go home on your own.” His tone was stern, and super concerned. He asked me again, and I looked at my phone for the time.

1AM.

“Yes.” I mouthed to him, and then proceeded to stand up. He immediately got up and put his hands on my waist, and l wobbled a little bit. He giggled and yelled something to someone. I wasn’t paying much attention. I really wanted to get home. I have work, and rehearsal, and more work. Dealing with a hangover was totally out of question.

I waved good-bye to Suzy and Arin, and Dan walked me out of the house to his car. He opened the door to the passenger seat, and closed it once I was in. I wrapped the seat belt around my torso, and looked over to my left and watched him settle in. He started the engine, and then looked over at me. I smiled, and he outstretched his arm to tousle my hair. I closed my eyes as he did, and asked him to put on some music.

Red Hot Chili Peppers.

“Rad~” I groaned, letting my head rest against the window.

“Where to?” Dan asked, pulling out his phone.

I told him my address, and we were on our way. I felt giddy all of a sudden, and my humming morphed into singing, just at the chorus.

“Standing in line to see the show tonight~~~”

My voice grew louder with every annunciation.

Dan glanced over, raising a brow. I grinned widely, and sang louder.

“By the way I tried to say I’d be there~~~”

And Dan joined in just in time to shout, “WAITING FOR~~~~”

We both had succumbed into a fit of giggles by the end of the song, and arrived at my home way too soon.

“Well my lady, we have arrived at your palace.” He said, putting the gear in park, and then looking at me.

“It was nice meeting you, I uh, I had fun.”

“Good. I’m all about it.” He smiled. The door clicked, and I pulled on the handle, carefully placing the heel of my foot on the asphalt. Dan suddenly showed up in front of me, and offered a hand to help me out and on my other foot. With on hand on my shoulder, and the other grasping mine, we made our way to my porch. I shrugged his arm off, turned to him and smiled again.

“See you later?” He asked, his expression and tone were genuine.

_I’m starting to like this guy._

“Yeah.” And with that, I took my house keys out of my hand bag and unlocked my house. I stepped inside, and before I closed the door to lock it again, gave a quick wave to the curly haired man.

He waved back.

I slept really well, despite the booze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a little rough, but more to come.  
> In higher quality.  
> Just for you.  
> xoxo


	3. EUGH

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took weeks to write, and I almost wanted to scrap the idea entirely. After some thought, I've decided to leave it in. The fact that it was written so sporadically was experimental. I wanted to portray the anxiety attack as accurately as possible. Since I've only ever expierenced my own, that's the main reasource I have/had. I do plan on reading more about other people's reactions and situations when it comes to anxiety. During the last week of this past marching season, I was under alot of stress, hence the pain in my shoulders thing. Hopefully I can get a better grip on this whole shebang.  
> xoxo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: This chapter portrays the events of an anxiety attack. It's vague and experimental, but it's still there.

It had been 3 months since Suzy’s birthday party. Zach and I got laid off, the restaurant we worked at was bought out by some rich dick. As for our band, we’ve been on hiatus ever since. Too busy scurrying around for jobs, and dealing with school, we didn’t have time to get to together with the rest of the guys, because we needed to take care of ourselves. They understood, didn’t make it any easier on us though.

I began freelancing as a jazz and orchestral musician. Something I never thought I’d ever do. Gigs left and right, and it felt like there wasn’t enough time. I worried less and less about the band and stretched my wings in other places. I was majoring in music, and I guess it’s about time I start acting like it.

Tonight, there was an annual performance from this non-profit orchestra for high-school seniors and college kids. You had to try out to get in, and I’m so glad I did. I made a lot of friends and found myself feeling surprisingly old among the high-school kids, despite only being 22.

I tip-toed out of the shower and shook my semi-wet towel through my freshly washed hair. Picking up a butterfly clip from the bathroom sink, I picked up my hair, and made my way to my bed, where I had laid out my concert dress. I dried myself off thoroughly, and slipped into the long black dress.

Now standing in front of the body mirror that hung from the outside of my bathroom door, I stared at myself. I had turned my Hi-Fi on, just to get one last listen to the piece we were performing tonight. They had finished, and my playlist must’ve looped, because now Chris Martin’s voice within the entirety of my bedroom.

_“I want to live life_  
_Never be cruel_  
_I want to live life_  
_be good to you”_

I ran my hands through my hair and began to sing along. My voice echoed through the room too, just not as nicely as Chris’ did.

_“_ _We never change, do we?_

_We never learn, do we?”_

I saw my phone light up from the reflection in the mirror, and I turned to go see what the new notification was. It was a text from Arin.

**EGOLAMER: Hey chump, omw 2 ur Mozart cock-fest I brought Dannnn**

**Me: Voluntarily?**

**EGOLAMER: YUZ**

**Me: Coo’**

**EGOLAMER: Kool**

I set my phone aside, and placed my instrument case on my bed. Already feeling slightly nervous, I went ahead and polished my trumpet one last time. It was a Christmas gift during my sophomore year of high-school, and it remains to be the most beautiful thing I own. A gorgeous silver-pleated M37 Stradivarius from 1981. After I finished polishing the bell for the hundredth time, I set it back its case, and picked up my phone again.

**7:31 PM**

I stuffed the rest of my things in my messenger bag, and double-checked to see everything was there. After locking my front door, I made my way to my car. I fumbled around my messenger bag to find my car keys, and eventually unlocked my car, put my horn in the passenger seat, and climbed into the driver seat. The familiar rumble of my little Volkswagen hummed in my ears, and soon enough I was on my way. I zoned out entirely on my way there, I didn’t even turn on the radio. I had felt nervous during rehearsal earlier today, and it just kept building throughout the day.

When I arrived at the parking lot of the concert hall, I had felt the pain in my shoulders throbbing in my chest. I checked my phone to hit up the rest of the trumpet section, letting them know that I had arrived. I wasn’t surprised to see a stream of texts from Arin. The fact that there were so many made me even more anxious. I decided against responding, I couldn’t. At least not now.

Definitely not now.

 

Walking up the mahogany steps to the concert floor felt so difficult. Taking my sheet music out of my folder and setting it on my stand felt like an ordeal. I swallowed hard, and looked up at our conductor. It felt like there were knives sliding down my throat as I lifted my horn just enough so the bell was behind the stand.

I breathed in, out, and…

 

It was over, and I still felt it.

I had packed up my things and headed out of the building towards the parking lot. My eyes grew warm and wet, and I began to feel really cold. I heard someone calling out across the other end of the parking lot, from the direction of the concert hall. I ignored it and walked faster towards my car, but someone came up behind me and gripped my arm before I could get too far. I turned to see a very confused and concerned Arin.

“Jen…?”

I dropped my bag and immediately began to cry. I kept my eyes closed for a while, and listened to the sounds around me. I heard an extra pair of feet.

_Oh. Is Dan here with him?_

I tried to sound okay for the sake of not embarrassing myself further in front of Dan, but ended up doing so anyways.

“I-I-I’m okay, I just-“

I opened my eyes to look at the both of them. They were both dressed in black suits and Arin was wearing a red tie. I decided I’d cut the shit, and try my best to relax.

_Arin’s here, everything is gonna be okay_.

 

It had been well over a couple months since I last had an anxiety attack. I had plenty of time to take care of myself this past year, and I even told my therapist I wanted to take a break from my meds because I felt better.

_So much for that bullshit._

I had felt so independent, I thought I was done. Now all I could think about was how dumb I must’ve sounded when I told my therapist that, and what could’ve possibly been going on in my mind when I threw away the last refill I had.

 

Arin offered to drive me home, and I accepted his offer. But before he took my things an put them in the back of his car, and I texted Jessica, a girl in the orchestra that I usually give rides to, and told her she could borrow my car the week. I dried my face as best I could before she walked out of the building and collected my keys. She asked me how I was getting home, and I told her not to worry. She left right after.

We were quite for the very beginning of the ride back, and soon enough, Arin spoke first.

“Why didn’t you call me, or like, respond to my texts, or something?”

I pursed my lips and looked out the window, trying to stall as much as possible. I felt Dan shuffle next to me, and I looked over at him.

He looked uncomfortable, and concerned. His eyes caught mine, and I took a deep breath.

“I didn’t think it’d get worse, but…” I let my voice trail off. Arin knew me well enough to know that I was scared, and it had been a very long time since this happened. I held my gaze with Dan while I responded to Arin, and he furrowed his brows. I broke the eye contact, and poked my head next to the driver’s seat.

“Hey Arin?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry.”

He sighed really loudly, and the car came to a halt at a red light. He faced me, and calmly said,

“You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for. Do you want to stay over tonight?”

“Yes please.”

My eyes felt watery and warm again, I turned back to face Dan. He looked less uncomfortable now. I sat back against my car seat, and faced away from Dan, looking out of the window. I waited awhile, and focused on controlling my breathing. Dozing in and out of consciousness, I found that Dan had taken off his suit jacket and placed it gently on me. I yawned, and managed to fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for being gone so long.


	4. Prince Arin Hanson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Umm. Dan and Arin are really cool.

“Okay, ladies and gentlemen, we’ve arrived.”

 

I was the first to get out of Arin’s car, and I hurried over to his front door. With Arin and Dan behind me, we then went inside.

 

“Ugh, can you get me a blanket?” I purposely bumped into Arin, and tugged at his wrist.

 

He simply nodded, and disappeared into the halls leading away from the living room, into the rest of his house. I was left alone with Dan. He had turned on the light when walked in, and he was now sitting on the couch. I decided to sit next to him, and lessen the awkwardness on this super lame night. He had taken out his phone, so when I sat next to him and spoke, I caught him by surprise.

 

“Hey.” I mumbled quietly.

 

He locked his phone, and looked up at me. His expression was earnest, and I relaxed a bit. He shifted his position so he was facing me.

 

“I-uh, this isn’t normal or anything. It’s been years…” I tried making myself sound less stupid, but ultimately decided to just cut my train of thought. He replied quicker than I expected him to.

 

“It’s cool. You’re with us now, so don’t sweat it.” He smiled after he finished, and I smiled back.

 

Arin came back with a soft black blanket, and then disappeared again to take a shower. Apparently he hadn’t showered all day.

 

“Ew, you’re so icky.” I teased as he left, he stuck out his tongue.

 

I took off my flats, tucked them under the coach, and wrapped the blanket around my figure, keeping the extra blanket bundled up at my chest. Dan and I were alone again.

 

“Do you feel better?” He spoke up first. I looked up at him and nodded.

 

He scooched closer to me and began to pat my head with his enormous hand.

 

“Good, because that solo you played was atrocious today. You sounded better last week.” He sassed.

 

I unwrapped the blanket from my hands, and playfully punched his shoulder.

 

“Screw you.” I mumbled quietly, followed by a mixture of giggles coming from the both of us.

 

He then asked me about school, and then work, and then everything else in between. Arin had comeback, and we all huddled up on the couch after turning on the television. Arin turned on the television, and looked up some old movie I didn’t recognize from his library. He then proceeded to having a ten minute long argument with me because I’d never seen it before. Between Dan’s laughter and Arin’s ‘what the fuck do you mean you’ve never seen The Goonies before?!?!?’ I was surprised Suzy was still asleep, or at the least, not annoyed. Exhaustion from all the emotions and hoopla that happened today seemed to finally present itself. I felt my eyelids progressively get heavy, and my statements became a lot more incomplete. Mid-movie, I slumped my shoulders and leaned over onto Dan’s left shoulder. I looked over at Arin, and he was sitting upside-down on the couch with his feet up high in the air. I think I laughed before I passed out.

 

Dan gently shook me awake a little while later.

 

“Hey sleepy-head, how’s about dozing off in an actual bed and not my boney-ass shoulder?”

 

I looked at him confused at first, brows furrowed and all, and then understood what he meant.

 

“Oh, pfft. You’re not that bad, but I do wanna go home.” I agreed, and weak with sleep, stood up.

 

Arin was passed out upside down, and I looked over to the still-on television.

 

**11:13 PM**

I crouched down and pulled my flats from under Arin’s couch, slipped them on, and then wrapped the blanket around Arin as best as I could.

 

“Good night, sweet prince.” I whispered, but loud enough that Dan had heard. He laughed silently, and headed for the front door. I picked up Arin’s keys from one of the side tables in the living room, and followed Dan outside. After unlocking his car, I moved my stuff from Arin’s car to Dan’s. I headed back inside Arin’s house, set his keys down in his living room, and locked his house on my way out. Sitting shotgun next to Dan, he started up his car and began to pull out of Arin’s driveway.

 

“If this ever happens again, you know, I’d like to be able to take care of you. Again.” He suddenly blurted out. I smiled warmly at him as I put on my seat belt.

 

“Yeah, I mean, I wouldn’t want this to ever happen again because it sucks a ton, but I like your company.” My seat belt clicked in reply, and I ran my fingers through my hair to get it out of my face.

 

“Besides, I gave a ridiculously good impression at Suzy’s party. It’s about time you dealt with a meh day with me.” I added, with a shrug from shoulders.

 

He shook his head and insisted that he didn’t care about the ‘meh’.

 

“It’s part of you, and frankly, I really like you. So shut up.” He finished.

 

Surprisingly Dan had remembered where I lived. We’d hung out a lot during these past 3 months, but the last time he drove me home was ages ago. I took my stuff out of his car, and walked meekly up to the steps of my little house. Dan walked up behind me, and took my horn from me, so I could open the door. I turned on the lights, and let Dan walk in. This was the first time he had seen the interior of it. He looked around, wide-eyed, and then turned to me.

 

“I didn’t know you were so Tumblr. You’ve got little lights hanging from the ceiling and Polaroids in frames. It’s so cozy and girly.” He took a deep breath in, and set my stuff down near the bean bag I kept in the living room.

 

“My room is a little nerdier. It has my posters and action figures in it. Do you want to see it?” I gestured to the hall at the end of my living room which led to my bedroom.

 

“When would I ever deny an invitation to a women’s bedroom?” He cooed sarcastically.

 

I rolled my eyes and walked over to my bedroom.

 

He walked in shortly after me and immediately snorted when he saw my action figure display. I heard him mumble something, so I abruptly bumped into to him and asked,

 

“Talking shit?” He put his hands on my shoulders, spun me around and then wrapped his arms around my waist.

 

“No Jen, I’m only teasing.”

 

He locked his hands on my stomach, and waddled around my bedroom with me. I placed my hands on top of his to support myself, so I wouldn’t fall over or cause him to lose his balance.

 

“And that’s my bed.” I lifted my right hand from my stomach, and pointed at the itty-bitty pillows I kept on my queen-sized bed. I turned towards him, now leaving his arms on my lower-back. He moved them rather quickly back up to my shoulders, looked around one last time, and then smiled at me.

 

“You have the coziest home out of anyone I know.” He said warmly, and then gestured towards the door leading back into the hall.

 

“It’s getting late and I’ve got a long day of grumping to do tomorrow, so I’ll see you later.” After wrapping his arms around me again, he walked out of my house and onto the porch. The air outside was a lot colder now, and drier. Dan stuck out his pinky and proposed a question.

 

“Promise me that if you ever feel discomfort, you’ll call me or find me?” His voice dropped in pitch a bit, and he sounded more serious than I had ever heard him.

 

I locked my pinky with his, and made a verbal commitment too.

 

“Thank you.”

 

He hugged me again, and then he was gone.

 

I locked the door and headed straight for my bedroom bathroom to take a shower.

 

I kept turning the nob in the shower to keep the hot water running after my body adjusted. I tried to keep my back against the water, hoping that the heat would relax the muscles on my shoulders, but to no avail. My shoulders and lower neck ached horrendously long after my hour-long bath had ended. I put on an old t-shirt and slumped into my sheets.

 

I faintly remembered the sound of my phone vibrating, but I was too tired to think much of it anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna try and pull your heartstrings as much as I can.
> 
> xoxo


	5. There Are Times,

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sunday happens.

The next morning I decided to be the earliest bird there ever was. Waking up at exactly 4:35 am, and taking care of laundry and writing up an essay that I had to turn in for Monday. After 2 itty bitty laundry trips and 2,000 words, I searched my bedroom for my phone, with the intent to ask Zach if he wanted to hang out. It was tangled up in my sheets.

 

The battery wasn’t too low, and I had a couple texts waiting for me. 2 from Arin, and 1 from Zach. I checked Arin’s first, because his last message was fairly recent.

 

**4: 26 AM**

**EGOLAMER: Ur little burrito stunt almost killed me**

**12 mins ago**

**EGOLAMER: are you busy today?**

I thought about it for a second, and really didn’t see myself doing much after printing out my essay. Maybe I could invite Zach, and he could meet Arin.

 

**Me: lol k**

I put my phone down and hopped in the shower. As I was slipping into a very old Led Zepplin shirt, I heard a knock on my door.

 

_Who’d come visit so early? It’s like 7._

Yanking the shirt down from over my head, I danced into my jeans as the knock echoed into my room again.

 

“Hey, mind if I come in?”

 

It was Zach, and he looked horrible. There were deep, dark creases under his eyes, which were bloodshot to all hell. I stepped aside and let him pass. As I shut my front door, Zach sat on the couch, and buried his face into his hands.

 

He cried all through the morning, and didn’t say a thing.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo, sorry for the lack of content. It's been very busy, and stuff. After this week, shit will be popping! Admittedly this is filler for some sadness that'll be heading your way, so prepare your butt/heart.   
> Anyway, kisses.


	6. There Always Will Be.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is part 2 of the previous chapter. I uploaded them separately because time.   
> (TRIGGER WARNING)  
> *THIS CHAPTER HAS IMPLICATIONS OF SUICIDE AND A LETTER THAT CONTAINS TALK OF SUICIDE*  
> -If you are feeling very blue, please google a hotline in your area to speak with someone, or simply contact someone you know and trust.-

“I drank a lot, and I don’t know if I should be feeling anything anymore.” It’s all Zach gave me when I had asked him what was wrong.

 

_I’d never seen him like this, and I’ve seen him bad. When his mother died in a car accident, the spring after graduation, he’d gotten bad. When Victoria broke-up with him after 3 years of dating, he’d gotten bad. But this, it’s tearing him apart._

 

He wouldn’t tell, and his silence weighed heavily on my chest long after he left and thanked me for spending time with him.

 

It felt as though there had been a consequence ready to present itself. But I couldn’t possibly get a grip on it. For the first time, I felt disconnected from Zach. He was experiencing something I wasn’t a part of, and he made it very clear I wasn’t supposed to be included when he hid the details from me.

 

I pushed the heavy consequence theory out of my head before it could expand any further, and tried getting through the day.

 

An e-mail notification went off from my phone while I was editing a paper for school, and then I had noticed the text from Zach that I forgot to read. From the message preview I could tell it was lengthy, so I unlocked my phone and went straight to his message.

 

**Zach: Don’t blame yourself.**

I scrolled up to re-read our previous messages, but found no context to his statement. I tried remembering our past conversations, and I couldn’t remember anything I’d blame myself over. I tried calling, but he wouldn’t pick up. Worry struck, and knocked me out.

 

I awoke to my phone, which was ringing this time. It was Zach’s older brother.

_Maybe he’s wondering why he’s been acting weird too._

 

The police were at his house, but his body had been taken away. Zach’s brother, Josh, spotted me and lifted his arm, beckoning me over. My chest was rising and collapsing with so much force that it hurt.

 

Josh was crying too, and instead of saying anything, he handed me a note in a plastic bag. Then, he spoke.

 

“They bagged it, but I made sure they’d let you see it.”

 

I rubbed my eyes until they were dry, and began to read.

 

_Josh, it’s not my fault. I’ve told you so many times, and I know you’ve tried to understand. Dad never let me show you how bad it felt, so I’m going to apologize before him. You don’t deserve to see these kinds of things if you aren’t out there looking for them. I’d like to think that’s why I waited so long. And though that is a pain I might’ve spared you then, you’re going to feel it soon. Maybe you’re feeling it as you read this letter. Due to my waiting, I’ve hurt Jenna too. I don’t know if she’ll get to read this, but if she does I’m glad. She’s a big girl, and she’s never let me down. If she doesn’t get to, please tell her this:_

_I didn’t give you enough of me to leave like this. You are so beautiful, and from the moment I locked eyes with you I knew I had to give you all of me. My only regret with my suicide is that I did not give you everything. It feels like I’m cheating you, and I’m so,_ _so sorry. I’d often lie awake and ask myself, ‘How can I be presented with such a friend, a near soul-mate, and be so incompetent?’ This question tortured me. I believe it will follow me beyond my body. I didn’t answer your questions because I did not deserve your inquiry. Please, forgive me._

_Do not follow me. I know the thought will pass you. Grace the world with your voice for as long as possible. Most importantly, allow yourself to be happy. That is the one thing I ask of you._

_I love you._

 

 


	7. Cope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Going through the flow of a bad situation ~~~~~~

I decided to abandon my house, and asked Josh if I could live with him.

 

“Are you sure you wanna do this without telling anyone? Your friends might wanna-“

 

I cut him off before I could think of any of my friends.

 

“I need to stay away…for now.”

 

 

And so I was. Away. A whole month.

 

I ignored my phone, my email, and kept to myself at school. I left rehearsals early, and drove straight to Josh’s place.

 

I’d stay in the guest room he let me live in, and I wouldn’t leave unless necessary.

 

After a fifth week passed, I decided to go back home. Josh had left to go out with his girlfriend, and I saw it as a perfect opportunity. Not having to see him.

 

When I got back, it felt weird. Unlocking the door to memories that stung. There were pictures of Zach in my living room. Polaroids, both old and new. Part of me wanted to tear them down, so I wouldn’t have to see his face, or the sinking feeling of knowing that something was wrong before he decided…

I left them up, all of them. I miss him.

 

Promptly after settling in, I called up Phillip and James, the rest of our band. They agreed to not continuing. Zach was gone, it wouldn’t be the same. I kept reserved, I didn’t want to talk much more than that. They wished me well with school, and we all promised to stay in touch. That was that.

 

Then I tended to the texts, missed call notifications, emails, and voice-mails of everyone else.

 

Those whom were acquainted with Zach left nothing but condolences. Short and gentle. The ones that persisted the most where Arin, Suzy. Arin and Suzy were justified. I answered them with huge paragraphs, I told them what had happened and how I decided to deal with it. When I hit send, I realized it was 3:56 in the morning. I didn’t expect to get an answer back soon, so that gave me time to balance my composure before having to see them.

 

I pressed my thumb over Dan’s contact tab, who had also attempted to contact me, and looked at his messages. He left only one.

 

**Dan: You promised me.**

Of course. I guess this made sense. They didn’t know what had happened, so they probably assumed the worse…for me. I decided to humor him. Maybe he could distract me.

 

**Me: Come over.**

 

I pressed send and set my phone aside my bed table.

 

I buried my head in my hands and pressed until I saw colors in my lids.

 

Suddenly, quick knocks lifted me from my bed. I shook my head at the thought of him coming over so soon.

 

_What could’ve kept him awake?_

I opened the door, just a slip. He whispered a soft, ‘Hey’. I opened up slowly, and found my head had grown heavy. I couldn’t look up at him.

 

He didn’t move. Instead he spoke,

 

“You don’t have to say anything.”

 

I avoided speaking for a couple more days. He’d come over, I’d let him in. Occasionally we’d watch a movie, or I’d plug something in and play a game. He’d say things sometimes. Like how everyone in the office was doing, or some new game he was playing with Arin. I listened, but never commented. He also mentioned how he told everyone I wanted some space, and how Arin became irked I was being distant with him and Suzy.

 

Finally, after 4 days of muteness, I decided to speak. Instead, I spilled.

 

“I feel under-stimulated.” I sounded like I was crying, but I wasn’t.

“I feel so empty now. I don’t remember what it’s like to be loved by anyone, or like, even hated. I’m so fucking numb. And all I want to do is run outside and yell. Loud enough for anyone and everyone to hear me. I just want someone to fucking hear me.”  I was crying now.

 

“It’s not even his fault! He left knowing that he was worse of trying to try, how am I supposed to feel? What am I supposed to feel? Fuck.” My voice had become raised, but I settled down with my final curse.

 

Dan looked at me, a little startled at first, but he seemed more taken aback because I chose to speak. Instead of speaking, he scooted closer to me on my living room couch, and nodded gently, urging me to go on.

 

“I think I’m exaggerating, but it’s all bugging me. It’s so difficult to put into words and I can’t even face my friends. I can’t face myself.”

 

“You don’t have to face anyone, just feel.” His voice was soft, yet very clear.

 

He inched closer to me, took my right hand, and squeezed it gently.

 

 

That night, sleep became difficult to grasp. Dan was comforting, but he had a life and things to do. I wasn’t sure whether or not I was justified in taking his free-time, especially for this. My head felt like a watermelon in a huge microwave, out of place.

 

**Author's Note:**

> P.S~~~ Alot of the songs mentioned by your band might (almost always) will be owned by Kimbra, so give her a listen, she's great.  
> This fic is very heavily inspired by her most recent album, "The Golden Echo" (heheh hence the name) So yay!


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